can't keep running away

So lately I have really been having a hard time dealing. The dude I like hasn't called me since Dec. 28. My dad thinks our relationship is wonderful and I can't stop thinking that that's a lie. He's an alcoholic and I have always been very uncomfortable with him because I know that's him. I feel really helpless about him and that in particular. And then my money hasn't posted for school and I have to apply to grad school with crappy grades and GREs. It's been tough. What has been tougher is that I feel like there is practically no one that wants to hear about all this shit that is eating me alive. So I have just been trying my best to cope alone. Thus, I have been smoking and drinking (which is completely out of character). WOWZERS! Is this life or just a re-enactment of my dad? It's sick when you become what you hate.