hopeless

i have always been a dreamer. i think that's y i can achieve so much. i am always dreaming about what's next, what could be better, whatever. anyway, as i have grown older, i have become momentarily disenchanted by the world. it seems that the revolution of yesteryears will not come again in the way it was here before. like the second coming of christ ( if you believe in this), the revolution will look completely different. more than likely it will be less about drugs and evenly shaped fros, less about charismatic male leaders leadig marches, and more about regular people getting off their asses. (Maybe that's what the 1st one was about, but history has been distorted.) Anyway, a girl like me still dreams. Those paralyzing moments of indifference and apathy are rare. I always know that I will return to the person that I was destined to be...a dreamer.

Okay so I have seasonal dreams. Usually around the beginning of fall/end of summer I begin dreaming about love. Not that play play love, but that real OMG this one is THE ONE. He picks out all the starbursts that I don't like ONE. He watches old Kid-N-Play cartoons with me ONE. He has a job, can make complete sentences, and thinks Nas won the Jay-Z battle ONE. Yeah, this description of the ONE, this fantasy has changed and grown as I have grown and changed. At first, he just had to be fresh, real nice to me, and filled with potential. I guess at this point I wanted in my ONE what I wanted from myself. After more thought, I think that's always what I want from my fantasy,what I want from myself. So now at my old age, I want this dude to read the newspaper, read books, love hip hop and soul music, watch 80s cartoons and eat sugary cereal. I aslo want dude to have a good job and a passion for something. Ideally, this guy doesn't say the N-word. Hmmm! How many people does that already exclude? That word is so ugly. There are a bunch of other words I would prefer my ONE not use, but I know I am being outrageous with all of that. oh yeah and the ONE MUsT bAnG for black people. Take that as you may. That might mean tutoring or mentorring, it might mean buying black. Whatever, you must BANG mr.OnE.

ahhh another day of random thoughts...the end of summer...counting the days to my return to the states!