its over?

so i haven't posted anything in months. it feels like it should still be february or eraly march, but unfortunately its april. my life has fallen apart and been neatly placed back together thousands of times since my last post. i guess i'm a little older and a little wiser. i am mos def a lot more behind on my work and a lot less worried about the future. hmmm. i got the fellowship to brazil, didn't get into MIT, got a paper published in Journ. of Phys. Chem., but didn't get into Caltech, got into Cornell, but they advised I take some more classes, and I am FUH-failing Structural Determination like nobody's business right now. This life of mine is a crazy one. Everyone knows what I would like to hide and no one knows what I would like to publicize. Its so messy. Who knew that this is what adulthood would be? So I'll in Atlanta for the next year or so. The dates for the Brazil fellowship shifted to July -October which means I am inelligible for Fall 2006 graduate study. I guess that's good and bad. It's bad because I am already an old maid and I would rather not live my whole life in school. However, its good because I am finally leaving this America for a browner, more African version, and I'll have a little time to think about something instead of worrying about everything. I told this Buddhist lady that I would write an experience for Kosen-rufu gongyo (P.S. I'm Buddhist)about my hurdles with faith. I guess I should get on it. I also haven't done research for about a month and I have been avoiding my advisor, but I am getting over myself slowly but surely realizing for the 47th time that avoidance never makes anything go away. Plus, funds are low and I need to eat and function with those paychecks that I haven't been picking up.
In other news I had sex with the X-cut buddy. The spring time hit me hard and I was horny. But, I felt so nauseous the day after it happened. Perhaps it was because I could literally feel it in my gut during the act or maybe it was that good conscience of mine kicking my ass. Who knows? I don't think I'll be utilizing his services anymore. Anything that makes me sick the day after is a no-go! I just can't do it to myself.
Elections week is around the corner and as good as it is not to care because I am graduating, it is also so surreal to think about how this place will continue without the class of 2006. Arrogant, I know, but i never realistically thought that I would ever be this old or this far in my life. I thought my life was going to be over at 12. I was a little short-sighted I can admit, but that's where my head was at and every year after that one I am a little shocked that I am still on the planet farting around.

I saw Dick Gregory (excuse the scatter brain). Activist, historian, comedian. ignorant ass old guy all describe that man. He said NIGGER about 83 times and then yelled "if you don't like it then you're a nigger!" What Dick Gregory? Are you serious? I guess we can agree to disagree because you are out to lunch my man if you take yourself seriously on some ignorant shit like that.
Yeah so for the most part that's what has been up over here with your girl. I hope everything is pizzzopulating (:o) with everyone that might read this joint.