le old maid

i out the "le" in front of random things, pay me no mind. le frosted flakes, le ringworm...its all the same to me. anyways this whole college thing is really making me take a long hard look at my life and what i want out of it. four years of my life are behind me. four years of recklessness that i will never be able to get back. although i may not have thrown up from drunken-ness, got any nasty itchy scratchy, burning diseases, or flown somewhere just for a party, i spent WAY too much money on nothingness, ate too much take-out, and shopped at least once a week freshman year. i dunno why i feel like i should have some irresponsible fun times to add onto the glamour of trifling behavior. i dunno y i feel like i missed something because i didn't throw up somewhere drunk, have random sex or contract an STD (knock on wood). Somehow lacking is wisdom and common sense is how i always thought college would be, but not so much for me i guess. statistically i haven't really ever been randomly reckless, but i looked forward to it becoming a part of my life. unfortunately, it seems like the option of acting an ass is stripped away once i graduate. being drunk will no longer be cute, it will be a liability. smoking weed in public places won't be daring or courageous, it will be stupid and an unlawful offense, and mom and dad won't be able to claim me on their taxes which eliminates any possibility of mooching off of them until i am 35.

so ladies and gentlemen, i feel like an old maid. life decisions are abundant. and i am annoyed by the one option that i no longer have...indifference. i can't afford to say who the hell cares it'll happen if its sposed to. life is not going to allow me to be a lazy bum. i was explaining to these teenagers i mentor that when you leave your parents they stop punishing you and life starts KICKING your ASS!

real talk! my parents said it to me and i didn't believe them and i am saying it to them and they don't believe me, but that's real! life is SURELY kicking (or lightly tapping) my behind these days!

in other news... as i am annoyed that i don't have the fun or the type of fun that i see frolicking all around me on the promenade here in the AUC. i am simultaneously annoyed that people are so lackadaisacal about getting a quality education. i know i'm mad for no reason, but i am a little tiffed! When i first came to clark atlanta university i was sure that this would be an intellectual powerhouse of african centered thought and culture. WHOA! and WOWZERS! it is if you make it, but if this is the best and the brightest around here then i am a little scared because people are so apathetic about seemingly everything. all black people have is HOPE. that's all that our parents had and all that our ancestors had. oops! they also had work ethic which we also lack. so without hope and work black people are in SEEERIOUS trouble. i love clark atlanta but i want it to thrive in ways that i am not sure it has suince consolidation. i am willing to give my alumni money, my time and my energy to make it better, but damn. it might have been easier if i had gone to a howard, spelman, morehouse, fisk, hampton, bennet, where people have already gotten the ball rolling on the issue. maybe its because i am in the heart of it right now that i feel the way that i do, but sheesh mcgee.

so this is what happens when you haven't blogged for a while. its mental diarrhea (sp check.) somebody pass the pepto bismal (sp)so i can get back to studying for structural determination!